I'm going to jail i love you
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
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