the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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