Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You have to summon your inner elephant
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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