We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I skipped work to stalk him.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
