am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
