I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
