Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
