Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
