I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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