I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
