Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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