wat bout pragnant strippers??
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
