Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
