he puts the penis in happiness.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
