Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i think my tv is drunk
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
