having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
