really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
