period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
