you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
