whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
All the doctor said was why
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
