Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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