i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
