Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This is my gift to your gina
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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