it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
