I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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