She's JV to your varsity
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
