Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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