I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
