so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
