He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
