ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
