we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
