No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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