She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
