do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
