don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
