Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
