My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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