can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
