So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
