Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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