We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
