i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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