how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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