i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
