I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
