like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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