my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
