he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
