Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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