a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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