I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
