Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
