i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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