i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
